


Floors of Silent Seas

by Scorpiokagamine



Series: Count the Magpies(Tale of Two Sons) [2]
Category: Big Hero 6 (2014)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-02-27 23:26:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2710526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scorpiokagamine/pseuds/Scorpiokagamine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Previously titled "Tale of Two Sons")<br/>I love you.</p><p>Unfair, Hiro whispers, voice broken. Its unfair.</p><p>I'm sorry that I love you not as a sibling, but as a lover, Hiro. I'm sorry I lied to you for this long.</p><p>I'm sorry.</p><p>Tadashi closes his eyes then, resigned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Floors of Silent Seas

**Author's Note:**

> still needs some editing , in my opinion, but Merry Christmas everyone.

 

One for sorrow

Two for mirth  
Three for a wedding  
Four for birth  
Five for silver  
Six for gold

Seven's for a secret, never to be told.

Eight for heaven,  
Nine for hell,

And Ten-Ten is for the devil's own self.

 

 

 

 

*

 

 Do you know, Tadashi says-not to the door in front of him, but to his precious Takara on the other side. How long I waited for you?

"Do you know? How long I waited?"

Four years, Tadashi answers, turning to lean his back on the door and sink down to his knees. They pool around him as he stares at the floor. "For two years, you were dead. One year you were in a coma. And one more-" Tadashi's throat closes, but he forces the sentence out anyway, and it comes out in pieces and broken parts-"because you weren't back." Hiro-my Hiro-you weren't back until now. Tadashi closes his eyes.

This is how long I waited, he says to Hiro. But in his head he knows he waited even longer for him. Eleven years- no, his entire life, has long he waited for Hiro. He can't say that now, and he thinks, he probably never will. Because Hiro doesn't answer, and when all Tadashi gets in return is that awful silence from four years ago, he bangs his head softly against the door and looks up at the ceiling.

I'll wait for you forever, he promises quietly, remembering the time he spent bringing his brother back.

The door remains closed. Even with how long Tadashi spends standing and sitting and pacing in front of it, it doesn't open. When the seventh hour of being in front of the door passes, and Tadashi has been reduced to sitting crossed legged with his arms crossed as he observes the door, he knows its time to retreat. He rises gently and adjusts his cap in a sort of farewell before climbing down the stairs to sleep on the couch. He makes sure to step loudly enough so that Hiro can know he was gone.

Still, even when he's gone back up to snatch blankets off of Aunt Cass's bed and a couple of pillows, when he's settled down awkwardly because he's too tall for the couch, he doesn't hear the door open. Tadashi closes his eyes and refuses to allow himself to cry, because he feels he has no right to. Hiro does though, he thinks, which makes him try not to cry harder.

Looking down, he notices the blanket he had grabbed was the one from what felt like ages ago. Its the one Hiro had wrapped around his arms when he told him he loved him. When the words 'I love you,' had passed easily through soft pale pink lips, and wasn't held back by a stray cough or tightening of Hiro's slender throat. Tadashi sniffs, and he'll swear to his death bed that the smell of fresh blossoms taunts him and tortures him as he sleeps.

In the morning, Tadashi is greeted by the sight of a drowned Gogo, who raises an eyebrow at him. Tadashi looks down at the panda blankets he's wrapped in and shrugs. Gogo doesn't say anything but looks away. No one's at home, is all she says, and Tadashi understands. He sits up and stretches, cracking a few bones in his back and neck as he yawns. Then Tadashi reaches a hand out to her, and without missing a beat, she moves to hold it.

He tugs her into an embrace; her back rested against his chest, his arms wrapped around her shoulders, and his nose buried in her hair. One hand comes up to hold his arm, and another comes up to rest on his head.He breathes in the scent of wet leather and rain. It smells different, he thinks. Nothing like Hiro- who currently resides upstairs, in silence. Tadashi ducks his head in shame. It was a good run while it lasted, he says.

Gogo looks up to him, and it takes one look between them-Tadashi's remorse-filled eyes meeting Gogo's auburn eyes covered in wet purple streaks of hair-for her to know. Tadashi watches as she looks away and sighs.

It was, she says after a long moment, agreeing. Tadashi smiles one of his small smiles that wasn't sad or happy, but accepting. Grateful, he rests his chin on top of her head and closes his eyes. Her fingers rub small comforting circles into his arms, and he's glad he found Gogo. Gogo, who became a sort of sister to him. He still doesn't know how that came about. But he doesn't want to think about anything at the moment.

He pulls back and starts to run his fingers through her hair. He likes Honey Lemon's hair better, because it was beautiful to watch her sun hair fall from his fingers in a curtain of gold. But he will admit that it was even more stunning to watch Gogo's hair slip through his fingers in a waterfall of misty purple night. 

He runs his fingers through it, letting it fall from his fingers several times until its dry, then he braids it in French fishtail braid. Its a braid he learned from Honey Lemon and her sisters, because she often needed her hair out of her way when she was working and claimed ponytails hurt her sensitive head. So she taught him the loose fishtail braid so someone could do it for her at the labs. Tadashi wasn't the first choice; Wasabi was just too precise about it, and Fred got too distracted easily.

Gogo was out of question, Honey Lemon had blushed out one day as he was braiding her hair. But Tadashi, she said, reaching out to grab his hand as he finished and held it to her cheek. Tadashi has these nimble, delicate fingers, that work magic. Tadashi had frowned at her. Magic? He asked. Magic, she said.

When you touch someone, its nice and soft. You apply enough pressure where it doesn't feel painful, but cordial. She explained. Then she smiled. You see? Then she giggled at Tadashi's confusion and ran off, leaving him to look down at his fingers in question.

"You have magic fingers, Tadashi," Gogo says now. He looks down to see her eyes are closed in pleasure.

"It doesn't feel like it," he mumbles. Gogo looks up at him. He finishes the braid and ties it with a hairband he found on the stand beside the couch. Gogo runs her fingers over the braid, turning to look at Tadashi, who doesn't look at her. He keeps his gaze fixed on the ground as she reaches forward and grabs his hands. She presses them to her cheek and lips. But you do, she says. You have magical, gifted hands, Tadashi. Her auburn eyes look up half-lidded at him.

With these hands you gave your brother the greatest gift that so many people would kill for, she says. Tadashi looks down again. But Gogo links their hands together and moves them to hold up his chin so he has to look at her. Life, Gogo says. You gave him the gift of life.

"A gift he didn't want," Tadashi says bitterly. "And regretfully for him, there's no return option." He tosses their hands aside. Gogo refuses to let go. True, you did give him a second chance at life, she admits. But that wasn't what I was talking about. Tadashi looks back.

"What I meant was, you were always there for Hiro. You cheered him on-gave him a hug or a pat on the head when he did something right, or lifted him up and shook him when he hit a wall. You gave his life a purpose, Tadashi, something that all people strive for. You gave me life back then on that day, when you held out a hand to me. You gave Honey Lemon life after the incident and she couldn't touch another lab station again.

Wasabi and Fred are no different. You saved Wasabi from becoming something he wasn't meant to be, and you brought Fred to the labs and made him realize his dreams weren't as far as they seemed. And not to mention all the creations you made with these fingers. Tadashi," Gogo says finally, kissing his fingers. Tadashi, your hands are magic. You have magic hands...

"Tadashi..."

She watches as he looks away, eyes clouded over in guilt.

 

**

 

Hiro, she says. Hiro. The door doesn't open. She knocks on it gently.

Let me in.

A few moments later, and the door creaks open to reveal the younger Hamada brother, tears rolling down his cheeks. Aneki, he whimpers, hands help open in a silent desperate cry. Aneki. It hurts. His face scrunches up painfully. It _hurts._

Gogo rushes forward and hugs Hiro close. He hiccups and cries harder into her shoulders, his arms coming to wrap tightly around her neck. I-I-I-it hurts, Gogo, he says brokenly into her ear. My chest feels hollow, my legs feel weak, and-and-it hurts, it hurts, it hurts-

Ssh, she says. I've got you. I've got you Hiro. She reassures, rubbing his back roughly with her hands. He shudders and cries harder. "I've got you." Hiro buries his head into her shoulder as Gogo moves to sit them down on his bed. Hiro sits in her lap, and Gogo doesn't say anything about him being too old and too big to do this. She just lets him cry into her shoulder, his tears wetting her jacket again. Hiro's back shivers with each wrenching sob.

Eventually, he calms down- well, he doesn't stop crying. But he does lean back to wipe his tears away. Gogo thinks there's no point, because every time he wipes his face another tear falls and re-traces the wet trails on his face. And yet still, she cups his face in her hands and wipes each tear away with her thumbs. Hiro looks up at her tearfully.

It hurts, Gogo, he says in a hoarse voice. He-he-I-we-

You know, Gogo says gently. Tadashi went through the same pain four years ago. And I'm pretty sure he's going through it right now.  

Hiro's eyes widen.

He never told you, didn't he? Gogo asks, though she knows the answer. Hiro shakes his head.

Gogo takes a deep breath.

 

*****

 

Tadashi has always loved you. When I first met him, I couldn't understand it. Whatever he did, he thought of you first. If he stayed at the labs over night, or if he was going somewhere with his friends, he called home. And when Aunt Cass ever said that you weren't home, Tadashi would race to his motorcycle and leave in a mad rush to find you. He always cares for you.

I could never understand Tadashi's feelings. I never had a sibling of my own, so I could never telate to Tadashi in that way. And my parent's were never home. So there was no one to ever care for me. Whenever I went home, I was greeted by silence.  When I was younger it didn't hurt so much. I just wrote it off as I simply missed their call that they would be running late.

When I first think of my parents, I think of two empty chairs at the table. Even though there were many pictures throughout our house of us together smiling, that's what I think of. Two empty chairs; those were my parents. Then I think of a empty bed and empty rooms. And I think of my bed that was often too small because my mother forgot how old I was. I would lay in it at night and stare at the ceiling. 'Its alright, tomorrow, when mom comes home, I'll tell her I need a new bed,' I'd tell myself. 'Then we can go shopping together.'

I never thought that my mother didn't love me. I thought that she had wanted a son instead of a daughter- and that's strange, isn't it? A mother wanting a boy instead of a girl? But I wanted to be the good daughter. So I threw out my beloved dresses and skirts I adored and replaced them with dull blacks and grays. And then my mother came home more often now. I was happy; 'finally, mom can look at me and not be ashamed,' I thought. 'I'm such a good daughter.'

But that wasn't it.  Actually, my mother was pregnant. And she told me that on my birthday, at the restaurant I hated more than anything but she loved. So I smiled, and tried not to wince at every bite of the food that tasted like crap.

And then she told me she was pregnant.

 And that it was a boy and that Dad would be so proud-

I smiled and congratulated her. She patted my hand gently and soothed her hand over it as she kept talking. 'I think I'll name him Gabriel,' she said. 'Or something nice, like Henry. What do you think, dear?' she asked. 'Hm?'

She kept talking then. I don't really remember what she said that night, but I remember how...radiant she looked. How happy she seemed. And I wondered if she looked like that when she found out she was pregnant with me. Probably. Most likely, is the only answer I can give myself, because how is a woman not happy to hear that they're pregnant with their lovers' baby? But then again, my mom wanted a _son_ , and not a daughter.

While I watched her energetic chatter and excitable motions, I wondered then where all that went, when I was born. Or if it was even ever there. Trying to stop my train of thoughts, I took a bite of my food and almost immediately choked it out. It tasted horrible, like a spoonful of cinnamon shoved down your throat. I coughed and excused myself from the table, running to the bathroom. I washed my face and rinsed my mouth out with soap and water, and I can remember looking up and seeing my face.

People used to say I looked like her, I remember thinking then. Like my mother.

When I returned home, I threw around everything in my room. _Kristallnacht,_ I called it. My own personal Night of Broken Glass.  All of my toys, everything on the dresser, my bed sheets- everything that was fragile and made of glass or ceramic or stone-everything _precious_ -was broken and shattered on the floor, like my dreams. I grabbed everything in my closet and tore them apart and ripped them to shreds. I didn't even cry. I didn't shed a single tear. I just destroyed everything.

When it was over, and I was sitting on my bed with my knees to my chest and rocking myself, I thought, 'I'm such a bad daughter. Look at the mess I made. Now mom and dad have waste money to replace everything.' But for the first time I didn't care. I didn't care, because I realized the truth.

I was too caught up in wanting my mom's approval, and she was too stuck on getting my dad's approval, as if it would fix their marriage. And I only realized this heartbreaking truth after I took one of my dad's motorcycles and was riding through the rain. And I cried then. I allowed myself to, because the rain hid it.

Running didn't feel nice. It meant I was free; a feeling I never felt before, and I was absolutely terrified by it. It meant I was truly alone in my life, even more so than before-and I truly had nothing. No more excuses or lies to tell myself. No more cloths to wrap around my eyes to blind me and hide me from the painful truth I couldn't face. I was petrified by that feeling....and yet, at the same time, it felt right. I...I _wanted_ to feel that freedom.

I craved it. I hate it and fear it and loathe it, but I...want it.

So I kept running. And I feel as though I still am, in a way.

That's how Tadashi found me.  That's how he found me in a back alley in the rain. I wondered then why he stopped. Even now, I wonder. Why did he stop? Why did he offer his hand? Why did he care? Why did I take his hand? Why didn't I just turn around and go back home?

What home? Did I mean the place that didn't even know I existed? That didn't and wouldn't ever remember my presence there?  What home was I talking about?

Tadashi was the first person to care about me. He was the first person to give a damn about what I thought about the world. He told me to speak up, like my parents did, but unlike them, he didn't tell me to stop, didn't try to set limitations on what I should say. He told me to _talk_ , and _keep_ talking. And he would listen. He would turn to look at me when I started to talk and wouldn't look away until I finished. He made me feel as though I existed.

He made the labs my home. Every time I walked in, he smiled and greeted me and said 'welcome back.' He patted my head when I did something right and got frustrated with me when I hit a wall. He became a big brother-not only to you, Hiro, but to all of us. He made us important to him, and that gave us purpose. He brought out the best in us, Hiro. Made us see the world through his eyes.

And then one day he brought you to the labs, and we saw him smile. A real smile; one of those ones that reaches your eyes and light up your whole face. We were all shocked to see it, because after years of knowing him, even I hadn't seen him smile like that. Only you could bring that part out of him. _You_ were the one that made _Tadashi_ special.

And then you died, Hiro. The police told us it was a hit and run, a-a car crash. Just like that. Bam. Snap of the fingers, clap of the hands, and you were dead.

And so was Tadashi.

I could see that in his eyes was the pain he tried to cover up. I could see the anger and hurt that followed him from when he woke up to when he went to sleep. And I felt powerless. Here was the moment I could repay Tadashi for all he had done, and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't help him.

So I blamed myself. I'm blaming myself even now, for this pain that I've caused the both of you. I should've read the signs, should've stopped him, but-in the end, I didn't. Because he was happy- _is_ happy, Hiro. An emotion he hasn't had for three years. And always, always, always, it's you who does that to him. Who brings that out in him. 

Gogo turns quiet then. Hiro stares at her in shock, speechless as she stares out the window at the rain. "And so, I've decided." She turns her auburn gaze and fixes its fire on Hiro. I'm not letting you two do this to each other. Call it selfish, call it greedy- whatever. I'm not walking into this house and be greeted by silence. I spent my whole life that way, and now that I've gotten the taste of something better, I'm _not_ letting it go.

She stops talking then. Her fingers hold Hiro's chin up so that he can't look away from her determined gaze. He stares at her, eyes wide, and tries to move his face away. But her grip is strong. Her thumbs stroke his cheeks gently, though, and Hiro's eyes water again. "I love him," he weeps out in a sudden outburst of intense emotion. "We're brothers, and I love him."

Gogo's eyes soften.

Its wrong, he says-more to himself than to her. His face twists painfully so. Its so wrong, forbidden and-and- we can't even kiss outside, he starts to hyperventilate, his mind racing. We can't sit together in movie theatres watching cheesy romances and hold hands, we can't go for walks together and link hands without people looking at us and thinking its weird and odd that Tadashi is holding my hand seeing as to how old we are; we can't go out to a fancy dinner by ourselves without people staring and murmuring questions, we can't- we can't- do anything- but I still love him.

Hiro whimpers.

If its too hard, Hiro, Gogo says softly, her eyes and voice and hands just as gentle. You can always let him go. Hiro widens his eyes at that but shakes his head and keeps talking. 

I'm still _in love_ with him, even if he lied to me. Even if he never told me this when he should've, I love him. And despite how wrong it is, it feels so _right_.

We can't ever tell anyone about us, Aneki, Hiro says. Oh my god, Aunt Cass can't ever know. And I'll have to bear through her asking us when we'll ever find a girl and get married; I'll have to watch Tadashi laugh and say he's not dating anyone, that he's not committed to anyone- and-and-and it _hurts_ , so much, my chest feels so empty, but I love him.

Hiro's crying again now, heavy and as powerful as the rain outside. I shouldn't, but I do. I can't help it, he's the only warmth I've ever felt in my life-he's my heart. _I love him_. I love him, I love him, I love him. I love Tadashi. Tadashi, my big brother, my big, idiot brother. I love him.

Even now, more than anything, I'm still in love with him. Hiro whimpers again and buries his face into Gogo's shoulder. His small body shakes in her arms. "You must hate me," he moans out. Aren't we disgusting? Two brothers in love with each other?

Gogo doesn't tell him to be quiet. "Is it so wrong to love some one like this?" She asks him. Is it wrong to be in love with someone like you are? Hiro doesn't answer, and only cries harder.

She doesn't tell him to stop. She just holds on to him and lets him cry.

"I love Tadashi." is the last phrase he murmurs before he falls asleep, having cried himself to exhaustion. Gogo runs her fingers through his hair gently.  "I know," she says. I know.

 

***** 

 

"Hiro." Tadashi says to the door after two days. Its the third time today he's done this. Come out. There's something I want you to see. Of course, the door doesn't move. "Hiro," he calls again. "Come out. Please." Still nothing. He sighs. He goes to move away, but the door creaks open a crack. His eyes widen, but he looks away so he doesn't torture Hiro with his pitiful looks. He watches his feet shuffle on the floor, shifting his weight around.

What is it? the voice croaks out on the other side. Tadashi mentally winces. But he opens his mouth. You'll see, if you come out. He keeps his hands in his pocket, but he knows Hiro can plainly see the open palm gesture. The white flag. The pale dove.

Silence follows. Its lengthy, and Tadashi's heart beats painfully in his chest the whole time. He wonders if it's loud enough for Hiro to hear.  

Alright. The answer is so sudden and short that Tadashi blinks in disbelief a couple times. His whole body stills. He wants to ask to see if he heard right, but- the door is open, and the side of Hiro's face appears. Beautiful dark hair that, Tadashi recently learned, gleamed a dark murky brown frames and falls over a pale face. Brown eyes that challenged and matched Tadashi's so often in the past are a dull shade now, not looking at him.

 "I'll get dressed," Hiro says solemnly.  His Takara, his precious Takara, speaking in the tone of voice Tadashi is sure he himself spoke in when Hiro was dead.

Tadashi nods and ignores the hollowing of his chest. Because this is the first step; in which direction, Tadashi doesn't know, but he's smart enough to know that the moment is an important one.

Hiro meets him at the bottom of the stairs a while later. His eyebrows raise in question when he sees Gogo seated in one of the highchairs of the restaurant, leaning on the counter. She salutes him with two fingers, and he nods his head at her.  "How did you get here anyway?" he asks.

"Climbed in through the window," she shrugs. Hiro chuckles, or maybe more like he snorts amusingly. "That sounds like you," he murmurs.

Tadashi holds out a jacket to Hiro on two fingers. "We're going outside," he says. His other hand rests inside his pocket.

"Isn't it raining?" Hiro asks in a soft, negligible voice.

"It stopped for now," Gogo tells Hiro. She moves forward to fix Hiro's hood and to pull his jacket onto his body correctly. The streets are clear of water for now, but I don't know how long it'll be. You two will have to hurry.

"You're not going with us?" Hiro asks tentatively in the same voice as before though now there's a little more energy to it. Gogo shakes her head and smiles when Hiro's face falls. "I'll be here when you two get back," she promises. Besides, this is something for only you and Tadashi.

She pushes the two out the back door, rolling her eyes when Tadashi starts to tell her where everything she'll need is. I know how to take care of myself, she parries. Now just go. And she kicks them out and slams the door locked behind them. Tadashi blinks widely at her as she salutes the two cheekily before pulling the blinds shut. The brothers look at each other for the first time since... Tadashi jerks his mind harshly from his thoughts. 

"I don't think we should be leaving her alone..." Hiro says.

We've no choice, Tadashi tells him. Besides, when has she ever failed us? And its not like there are any customers, he reassures. Hiro is still hesitant. But he mulls it over and nods finally. Tadashi pauses for a beat to study Hiro before moving away, to the streets.

The world of San Fransokyo has changed drastically in the few days of heavy rain. Gone was all its color; yet, buildings still looked beautiful in a wordless, somber way. Puddles that the rain had left fell from the sloped roofs in miniature waterfalls, joining the water that flooded streets. The giant fans and blimps in the sky were taken down(Tadashi remembers seeing people taking them down before the rain, and now he knows why), so now the sky was inhabited by only white cloud and azure sky. Most of the windows in the buildings had been covered up, but Tadashi catches sight of a few windows that were smashed in by neighboring trees.

Other people were outside as well, enjoying the calm weather the eye of the storm had brought. As they walked down the streets, Tadashi observed some parents were with their children playing in the streets. The kids ran around their father's and mother's legs playfully, splashing up the clear water that ran down the streets. The corners of Tadashi's mouth curved upwards as he watched the families laugh together. He couldn't help but feel freshened by the sight, his depressed mood lifting slightly.

When he saw some teenagers and college students riding down the slopes and hills of San Fransokyo, cheering each other on as they rode the faster moving waters that rushed down the streets eagerly towards the sea, it almost went away-enough so that Tadashi could almost forget about it. He chuckled at their floundering attempts to ride down the steps of the police station and other buildings, and even almost laughed out loud at the sight of someone ride a skateboard down the streets, their legs ankle deep even on the board and a bored expression on their face as if this was an everyday thing.  

The people of San Fransokyo were more than accepting of the rain, Tadashi thinks.  All the smiles and laughter gets to him, and makes him feel bold. He smiles easily, now; his mood from earlier gone, snipped like the string of a kite. He nearly dances on the tips of his toes in excitement and happiness in the slightly chilly breeze.

But the moment he looks at Hiro, he sobers.

His smile slowly slips from his face at how miserable Hiro looks; the paleness of his face and the dullness of his eyes wrench the joy Tadashi had felt earlier from his chest in a tight fist, anchoring and reminding him of what he was here for. He tugs his hat over his eyes again to calm himself down.

"Over here," Tadashi says. He pivots on his heel and moves towards the garage across the street. He tugs open the door, ignoring the gush of water that moves to embrace the already shallow water resting within. Tadashi groans inwardly at the sad sight of his motorcycle, soaking wet, with its tearful one eye looking at him as he approached. He places a hand on it soothingly. The engine was probably water damaged, but maybe after the rain and water passes, he can get to fixing it.  

Right now, he was here for something else.

Here, he says to Hiro. "In here." He kneels down and feels for the latch to the secret door he had built in the garage. Hiro tilts his head curiously, but ducks his head under and moves inside. Tadashi follows after him, closing the door behind him quietly even though he knows no one would hear them. He shakes his head when some water gets on his hat.

He takes a moment to find the lights. Its been a year since he's been in here, yet he knows exactly where to find them, and that the third switch takes a few moments before joining its brethren in offering the brothers light. He moves towards the center of the room, where the 5 proto-types he built of Hiro rest. Where the bed that held Hiro for a few months while Tadashi brought him back rests, and where Tadashi's gift became a curse. 

He stops a few feet away from the graveyard, as he came to think of it. Then he turns to Hiro. Hiro, who looks at it all, wide-eyed.

Tadashi doesn't say anything. He quietly stays to the side as Hiro takes slow steps, his boots sloshing through the thin water. His eyes stay down, looking at the floor. Though he can hear the gasps of shock Hiro makes, and he swears he can feel the hand touching one of the proto-types on his own skin. I brought you back here, Tadashi says. His mouth feels sick, and he wants to throw up. But he says the words anyway, shattering the attenuated silence utterly with the words.

He looks over his shoulder at Hiro. Hiro's jaw has dropped as he holds one of the arms of the proto-types in his hands, his eyes meeting Tadashi's none the less. And Tadashi smiles; small and sorrow-filled and with remorse. I brought you back, he repeats.

Hiro goes to say something, but Tadashi looks away quickly, guilt tearing up his eyes. And suddenly, his own voice interrupts Hiro's words.

The brothers turn to look at the computer screen where Tadashi had stored his memories of Hiro in.

The computer that Tadashi saved the file labeled simply, 'Hiro.'

 

 

***

 

Hiro watches the entire file. From where Tadashi wakes up one morning to go to school, to the end. Tadashi watches him the entire time.

Hiro snorts at the silly brotherly moments and smiles at the birthdays and Christmases and Thanksgivings. He groans at the early mornings and puberty jokes and goes silent on the rainy days. He starts to cry, though, when they reach the memory of Hiro dying.

Of course, Tadashi can't record thoughts and feelings. He can't record things that make someone human; those have to be inferred. And yet, somehow, he thinks Hiro can understand what he felt then. He thinks Hiro can infer the missing pieces of the puzzle Tadashi had built for him, unintentionally.

The first tear falls from Hiro when Tadashi receives the phone call. A second one follows and is joined by a gasp when the image of Hiro lying on the hospital bed shows. Hiro's hand closes over the same areas the wounds that were on the Hiro from Tadashi's memory were, but Tadashi knows the motion was done unknowingly. And yet, it still caused a pang in his chest.

A third tear falls and is followed by thousands more as Tadashi is told by the police officer that Hiro was dead, when Tadashi is standing over Hiro on the hospital bed, when he holds Hiro's hands and weeps and brokenly promises to not let go, I won't let go, I won't let you go, I won't let go-

And Hiro bawls agonizingly when Tadashi lets go.

He wails loudly and painfully from behind his hand that he tried to use to quiet his sorrow when Tadashi lets his hands slip from Hiro's soft, soft fingers, and lets go.

Hiro sniffs and wipes his eyes but keeps watching, mournfully smiling at the sad attempts at jokes Aunt Cass makes, watches Tadashi distance himself further and further from the world, when Tadashi cries himself to sleep, when he murmurs the soft good night to the awfully empty room. He cries again at each failed attempt to make a Hiro, and cries more when Tadashi is holding Hiro in his arms again.

The frozen Hiro, that couldn't convey any human warmth, like a machine.

More tears fall when Tadashi goes through the process of re-creating his body. The screen goes black as Tadashi frim then approaches the computer and links his mind to it, to store his memories onto it. The room  is silent again, with the exception of Hiro's hoarse whimpers and hiccupping cries.

"I can't-" Hiro chokes out. Tadashi looks at him. He knows what Hiro is going to say, but he still waits for him to say it. "I can't-" Hiro hiccups, trying to compose himself. I can't- forgive you-Tadashi-I can't forgive you- for what you've done- I can't forgive you.

I can't...

Hiro cries harder.

Tadashi moves to stand in front of him. He reaches out-slowly-and cups Hiro's face. Tilting his head up, Tadashi meets tearful brown eyes with his own dead ones. "I know," Tadashi tells him, making Hiro cry harder. "I knew that. I knew you wouldn't forgive me, but I did it anyway. Because-"

Tadashi speaks clearly. For the first time, his throat doesn't close and he doesn't have to choke his words out.

-I love you.

Hiro's eyes close shut. His lips wobble. 

Love, Tadashi says anyway, Love you. Even if you don't love me in that way anymore, I love you. And I'll love you like this forever, and I always have loved you like this, I've never loved you as a brother, and- _I can't stop it_ , so I-I-I just...want you to know. That from now on when I tell you I love you, I mean it differently than you do.

 _Unfair_ , Hiro whispers, voice broken. Its unfair.

Tadashi looks at him pitifully. I know, he says. And I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I love you not as a sibling, but as a lover, Hiro. I'm sorry I lied to you for this long.

Hiro opens his eyes to look up at him.

I'm sorry.

Tadashi closes his eyes then, resigned.  

 

 *******

 

Home, Hiro sits on his bed. He closes the door again; Gogo stays downstairs with Tadashi, who walked him home in quiet hurry because the rain was starting again. Distantly, Hiro remembers reaching out and touching the smile on Tadashi's face that shone on Baymax's stomach.

Hiro smiles painfully. He closes his eyes and falls onto his bed, hands clenching into fists, as if he can hold on to the memory of Tadashi's smile. 

I wish that one day, you can smile at someone like that, Hiro thinks. I want you to be happy, Tadashi. Tadashi, my _Kokoro_. 

I want you to be happy, Hiro thinks.

It doesn't lift the weighted guilt resting on his chest.

He tries to smile all the same.

It doesn't stay.

 

*

 

"Gogo, do you think I'm a terrible person?" Hiro asks later that day when he hears the door open. His gaze is on the rain outside the window, the deep gray clouds that could be mistaken for a cold blue. Do you think I'm a terrible person? The words resonate throughout the room. Its followed by a soft gasp, one that Hiro can't hear over the sound of his guilt.

I told him I couldn't forgive him, Hiro says. He feels the bed sink next him, but keeps his gaze out on the window. Still, his eyes are far away, remembering the look on Tadashi's face when he told him he was sorry. "I said to him-that I couldn't forgive him-but...I was lying." He smiles, his lips curling upwards painfully.

Its actually me that I can't forgive, he tells the person sitting next to him. "I feel like-no, I _know_  that I used him. But when I asked myself if I had the choice to do it over again, my answer was that I wouldn't change a single thing. I wouldn't. Because," Hiro places a hand over his chest, hearing his heart beat slowly. He can remember Tadashi's steady warm heartbeat. "For a short time, he loved me."

"I'm...such a terrible person, he tells himself, curling within himself

"The funniest part," Hiro murmurs, lips falling into a smirk. "Is that being with Tadashi felt like being in that memory. The one that feels like a warm hand is holding me in a tight embrace. I guess that should've been my clue. And I could've saved him from all of this.

"Gogo," Hiro whispers. "I love him. I love Tadashi, so I'm....going to do what any other person would do. I'll let him go. I want him to be...happy. And if that means its with someone else, I'll give him up." Hiro bites his lip. "I'm letting him go, in hopes that one day, he'll realize this was all a mistake and fall in love with someone else." He doesn't close his eyes for fear he'll imagine Tadashi with some faceless person, holding them and laughing with them and kissing them.

And yet he does, and he covers his mouth to muffle his sob. I love him, he says hoarsely, throat raw from all he's cried over today. So I'll let him go.

Arms wrap around him then in an embrace. Hiro leans into it, wanting the comfort Gogo offers. But his brain is confused when he registers strong biceps and broad shoulders instead of soft skin,  and a hard chest pressing to his back. His eyes open in shock at the voice in his ear, whispering four simple words that shatter Hiro's fragile strength.

"Don't let me go..."

 

**

 

I'm fixing this, Gogo thinks. She has to, if she doesn't want things to end like this.  

 But she guesses she's not the only one to think this, because when she walks up to the loft and walks into the room with Hiro's name on her lips, she stops. "H-" is the only sound she's able to utter, before her face is frozen is a expression of shock. Then it warms in relief, and she smiles slowly.

She quietly walks away, leaving Tadashi and Hiro alone. She closes the door after her, glad that it doesn't squeak for the first time.

 

***

 

"Do you know," Tadashi says quietly. He holds Hiro close to him, his arms around the younger Hamada brother's neck and shoulder. His cheek rests beside Hiro's. Hiro himself is leaning as far away as Tadashi's arms allow, though his small hands hold on tightly to his arms. As if at any moment Hiro fears he's going to fall. His eyes are closed tightly.

"The first time I realized that I loved you?"

Hiro chokes.

It was way back when, Tadashi murmurs after a moment. He closes his own eyes as he remembers.  You were 9 years old, in the seventh grade. I remember it so easily because of how the gentle wind that beckoned through the leaves, and how the autumn colors had started to fall as I waited for you at the bus stop.

You looked so exhausted as you moved to get off the bus. I had wondered then if you were getting bullied again by your classmates. You smiled at me through the window though, trying to reassure me.

But as you were getting off the bus, you missed a step, and fell into the water. The kids on the bus had laughed as it rode away. I moved to help you, but you were already getting up and wiping the mud off your face and clothes. You looked like a drowned cat-glasses askew, hair ruined, and mud all over you. The sight made me chuckle, but I tried to swallow it down and help you.

You looked absolutely hilarious, Tadashi chuckles. Hiro coughs, covering his own bark of laughter.

Still, when you looked up at me and gave me this look- a hidden flame in your eyes; determination and resistance that matches the trees on a windy day, and a stubbornness that refuses to bow down to anyone-I fell for that look.  

I saw your determination in the fire of your eyes. Your refusal to give up-you stubborn nature-I fell for them. I fell in love with you then.

Hiro wails quietly, behind his tightly sealed lips.

I loved you at first for your fire. Then I found that I loved you for-for-everything. I love you in the morning when I wake up and even when I fall asleep at night. I love you when we wrestle together on the bed, when we built robots together, when we ate together, when we walked together in the winter and you quietly ask me for my hand because its cold- _so cold, Tadashi, and your hand is warm_ -When you try to make food and end up burning because you're distracted by every single beautiful thought in you head.

When you come home from bot fights, when you talk-everything, Hiro. I have always loved everything about you. Even when they annoy or scare the crap out of me, I still love you. And I always will. That's something we can never change. Not even God could change my feelings, if he is real.

So when you say you love me, so much that you'll let me go, my chest feels warm, and I can't let go. I won't, Tadashi says. Hiro's voice escapes his tightly sealed lips, soft noises of despair chasing after Tadashi's words. "I love you too much to let go..."  

"Tadashi," Hiro whimpers.

"I'm a selfish person, Hiro," Tadashi tells him, turning his chin so they can look each other in the eye. So when you tell me you love me, you have to mean it. Because I won't give you another chance like this-won't let you back out of this ever again. So you have to mean it.

Tadashi stares at Hiro, who hits him lightly with a clenched fist on the chest. You idiot, he bawls, hitting Tadashi again and again at every word. You stupid, idiotic nincompoop-stupid jerk-butthead with a birdbrain, you absolute dumba-

Tadashi stops Hiro then with a kiss.

Hiro responds to it wholeheartedly. Even chases after Tadashi with his hands and lips, holding him in the moment, making him lose himself in the feeling of completeness. And he is reminded that for as long as he has lived, Tadashi only felt truly complete in Hiro's presence; and now, he knows, that its the same for Hiro. Tadashi feels a single tear slide down his cheek and knows its his own.

Why didn't you tell me before, Hiro says when they pull back, but not apart. Tadashi?

Would you'd loved me? Tadashi answers. Or what more- Would've you've believed me?

Hiro searches Tadashi's eyes before lowering his head. Tadashi kisses his forehead gently, holding his head between his large hands. "I love you," he whispers. "Aishiteru yo."

Hiro doesn't even hesitate, though he smiles before he answers.

"I love you too." Hiro looks up at him. "Aishiteru yo, _Watashi Kokoro_."

Tadashi closes his eyes in pleasure.

" _Takara_ ," He murmurs as he presses his lips to Hiro's again.

They're both smiling into the kiss.

 

********

 

That night, its Hiro that pulls him down on the bed. It warms Tadashi's heart, that he isn't the only one who's eager. Still, he tries to be quiet because Gogo is probably in the house. He can only hope that she's downstairs in Aunt Cass's room where she can't hear anything besides the thunder outside.

 Because Tadashi is selfish. He wants to be the only person to hear Hiro in the bedroom, to worship his skin with nips and kisses and touches and be answered by heavenly groans and agonized whines and keens that beg for more. He wants to be the only one to see Hiro like this in the milk-light of the moon, and in the fiery daylight; seated in his lap with a cat-like smugness on his face as he sits down fully. Tadashi moans as he realizes the dark thigh-high's Hiro has worn under his pants and shoes that he received as a joke from Fred.  

 And he notices the long pull-over sweatshirt Hiro's wearing, and knows its one of his old ones. The sleeves fall past Hiro's palms, leaving only his fingertips free to slide over Tadashi's clothed chest. "Tadashi," Hiro says. My Tadashi.

My Hiro, Tadashi says just as powerfully, his voice filled with a hidden emotion.  

Hiro grins cheekily.

"Are you just going to sit there?" he teases, drawing his knees up towards his chest. Tadashi takes in a sharp breath at the sight as Hiro leans forward towards him. "Well?" Hiro says, then smirking.

Tadashi growls and rolls them over. He tries to keep quiet in case Gogo can hear, but its hard, with how Hiro tempts each sound from Tadashi's lips with his own. They whisper heated words to each other as Tadashi slides his fingers down Hiro's body, refreshing his memory. He nearly tears off the sweater Hiro wears as he removes it, and desperately bites down on Hiro's underwear to pull it off. He leaves the socks on, though.

He kind of likes them on Hiro. 

His fingers removes Hiro's shoes, and he examines his Takara's feet- they're larger than any other normal 18 year old, but they're still smaller than Tadashi's. He drags a fingers down the sole of Hiro's foot, pressing down heavily. Hiro shivers, and a soft groan is released into the room, followed by a small giggle.

 Tickles, Hiro explains when Tadashi looks at his face. Then his Takara smiles up at him. "Got some kind of sock kink I didn't know about?" He asks Tadashi. Then he gasps and his eyes widen when Tadashi nibbles on one of Hiro's toes. Tadashi feeds him a hot gaze, hungry eyes studying his bare body, before kissing the sole of his Takara's foot.

Maybe, Tadashi answers.

Hiro sucks in a sharp breath and slides his legs over Tadashi's shoulders. "I'll leave the socks on," he says to Tadashi. But only if next time, you wear nothing.

Isn't that- Tadashi starts, humor in his voice. But Hiro holds a finger to his lips. "Let me finish," His Takara purrs. Tadashi obeys, but he opens his mouth to sucking Hiro's fingers, nibbling on them. Hiro gasps.

"Next time, wear your hat." Hiro tells him. And only your hat.

I like the idea of next time, Tadashi murmurs through his Takara's fingers. "But are you sure that's what you want?" He smirks down at Hiro. Hiro, who tugs at his shirt until its pulled off, and his hands are moving around Tadashi's shoulders sensually.

"Maybe," Hiro whispers heatedly, pulling his knees closer to his chest, sliding his legs against Tadashi's bare now bare shoulders and cheek. "I have a hat kink, have you thought about that?"

Tadashi gasps sharply, and His Takara smirks smugly up at him.

You minx, Tadashi hisses heatedly, though Hiro knows what he means by the words. He swallows Hiro's amusement with his lips, pressing the words _My Takara,_ into him. Hiro gasps out _Kokoro_ back, and his hands slide down to remove Tadashi of the rest of his clothes.

 Then they are joined again, Tadashi watching the stars form in Hiro's eyes are he stares up at the ceiling, his eyes wide. They murmur the words to each other again, kissing passionately, before Hiro says _I love you_ and means it just as much as Tadashi does when he whispers it back.

They link hands then, so that their bodies, minds, hearts, and souls are intertwined again, complete.

Just as it should, they both know.

 

*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They certainly have a set of lungs on them, huh, Gogo says, her voice filled with irritation and wonder. Her hands hold the pillows to her ears in a poor attempt to block out the noise from upstairs. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"The rain's stopped, Tadashi," Hiro mouths into the kiss when they wake up. Tadashi looks out the window at the bright sun. He deepens the kiss then, because obviously its not good enough to distract Hiro from his thoughts, and Aunt Cass could be coming home soon, so he wanted to have another go before she came back. Hiro smiles at him, his eyes as bright as the sun, and Tadashi know he's thinking the same thing.

They roll over in a bundle of sheets and clothes and Hiro and Tadashi. They stop only briefly so that the two could look each other in the eyes and whisper to each other,

 

I love you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And mean it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-The End

(?) 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Because soon, the two are ripped apart from each other. The sun may have come back, but for them, the sky was still clouded over and the rain still fell.

 

 

 

 

Callaghan was the reason for that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry that it ends so abruptly, but I'm sick and I wanted to get this out before Christmas. I had also wanted to make this into a three-part story, and I might still, but for now, please have a nice holiday season and have a wonderful Christmas. Sayonara for now.


End file.
